I find myself sometimes questioning who I am and why I'm here. I guess it a common question; one that everyone asks themselves from time to time. It's funny. Ever since I separated the Air Force, I have been on a mission of understanding. What's my true purpose? Is this really all there is? Why do i feel like I'm spinning my wheels? These are the questions that haunt me. There are so many things that rattle around in my head. Things like.... school, parenting, dating, paying the bills....and so on, so forth and such. Even with all these questions, i know that God is working it all out. Now that doesn't stop me from feeling frustrated. Oh no... I'm feeling it, but I can't help but think that there is a reason for this time in my life. Why have I been alone for the last three years? It's like I have some sort of force field around me; preventing any single woman of finding me worthy of....ANYTHING! My family life is being completely turned upside down, with my daughter moving away to Florida with her mom in a couple of weeks. The list never ends, and i don't feel like I have a handle on it.
I've had a fear, all my life, and it terrifies me to this day.
ROLLER COASTERS!
Just the thought of it sends chills up my spine. This first time, was back in the 90's, at SixFlags over Texas. My brother and I decided to go on this...stupid ride, that had two HUGE loops on it. WHAT WAS I THINKING!!! We started along the track. The sound of the ride going up the the track....( chink, chink, chink, chink ) Oh the Horror!!!! Hahahahha. OK, back to the story. So we get to the top... and its really....( gulp)... high. And down we go..... and up, and down, and puke.... I didn't puke, but wanted to. And then we get to the loops. Now my little brother was... about... 10 years old. As we hit the loop we both were pushed into our seats, and upside down we went. But just before the second loop, i guess my brother shifted in his seat, because on the second loop he began to slide out from under the lap bar, holding us down. We made it through ok, but it scared me for a long time. My point is this... I feel like my life is a rollor coaster ride. The only difference is, that there are no lap bars or straps to hold me in. I feel like I'll be thrown from the ride at any moment, and the only way I'm staying in the car, is by shear will power. I just hope I can hold on through all the twist and turns that are ahead. I just really shouldn't of had that chilly dog before I got on....( RALPH)!
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